Making Decisions Under Stress: Keeping the Flame While Enduring the Storm
BY MATTHEW D. BARKDULL, MS, MBA, LMFT, MEDFT
In today’s fast-paced society, change and speed are the norm—high speed internet, fast food, express lanes, and instant messaging are all part of our daily lives. However, life’s stressors can also come upon us quickly and unexpectedly, leaving us feeling vulnerable and unprepared. In order to be ready to make critical and objective decisions in the midst of a crisis or change, we must be prepared for the unexpected and take steps to manage fear and stress. By doing so, we can increase our sense of control and make better decisions during challenging times.
Dealing with bleeding disorders can be a difficult and stressful experience, whether you are a patient, a parent, or a caregiver. The fear of making poor decisions and the potential consequences, both physically and emotionally, can be overwhelming. In these situations, it is natural to wonder how to make important decisions when faced with fear and stress. Here are three pieces of advice that may be helpful in preparing to make significant decisions during times of crisis or change:
Principle 1: You can only critically think of one thing at a time.
Some people pride themselves on their ability to multitask under high-pressure environments. While they may be good at juggling multiple tasks, this is different from critical thinking. In reality, human beings are often terrible multitaskers, especially when under stress. In these situations, important details can be lost, consequences can be considered but not properly weighed, financial details may be ignored, and the potential repercussions of decisions may not be fully thought out.
So, what’s the solution? I call it weeding the garden. Church leader and statesman LeGrand Richards
once said:
“For every worry under the sun There is a remedy or there is none. If there is a remedy, hurry and find it. If there is none, never mind it.”
This analogy can be applied to the problem of multitasking. In a garden, there are plants that produce a yield, offering the grower a bounty of fruits and vegetables. However, there are also plants that offer nothing of value, such as weeds and thorns that can choke and destroy a crop. Similarly, we must clear out the pressing influences from our minds that serve no purpose. These can come in the form of petty distractions, saying yes to too many requests, and other issues that should be put on hold or eliminated altogether.
To help with this, I find it helpful to draw a line down a blank page and label one side “control/important” and the other “no control/ not important.” Write out your worries, concerns, and issues that you’re facing, and sort them into these respective categories. You may be surprised at what falls under the “no control/not important” category. Focus on and act upon those things that you have control over and that are most important.
Principle 2: You can’t do it alone.
Have you ever cooked with charcoal or briquettes? Nothing beats the taste of grilled vegetables, shish kabobs, fish, hamburgers, steak, or chicken cooked over a charcoaled grill. Once the coals are all fired up after applying lighter fluid, they eventually turn from black to glowing red and coated with a light-gray ash.
At this point, the fluid and fire that originally set them ablaze have long since died out. So, what’s keeping them burning? Grab a pair of tongs, remove a single coal from the grill, and let it sit out in the air for a while. What happens to it? It eventually burns out. Why? While a single piece of coal can sustain its own heat for a while, it won’t burn nearly as long as others in the grill. The agent that keeps coals’ heat sustained is not just their own internal burning mechanism—it’s each other.
This same principle applies to humans. We cannot sustain our own “heat” very long on our own. Although some may possess grit and endurance, “burnout” is still more likely to occur without the support, guidance, and love of others. Trying to make stressful and even life-changing decisions without support is like trying to keep a match lit in a hurricane. It just doesn’t work. We must invite others to rally around us (e.g. doctors, family, friends, groups, co-workers, clergy, etc.) in order to feel empowered by their heat and support.
All too often, people complain that they have no support system. Let me share a little secret that many find hard to believe, but it actually works: speak out! Try it. Get to know your neighbor, express your concerns with a doctor, or seek counseling. When somebody you trust asks how you’re doing, tell them the truth. You’re struggling. You don’t have to go into an enormous amount of detail, but expressing how you’re feeling can be therapeutic. It may surprise you that others may be going through something very similar. By opening up, you may just find your new best friend!
Principle 3: You can’t ride a dead horse.
As life changes, we must adapt and conform to our new circumstances. With each new major milestone and crisis, life takes on a different dynamic, requiring a change in course. A biblical text explains this principle: “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11). As much as we may wish that our present circumstances would revert back to what was familiar and comfortable, our present reality demands a different approach.
For example, say you inherited a beautiful stallion. From a foal, the horse seemed perfect in every way.
It responded to its training, learned commands, and respected your authority. Over time, you came to know its behaviors and cues well enough to anticipate any problems and respond to its needs. But as the horse gradually declined and died, you were left with its offspring. You begin to train one particular horse that seems promising, using the same training formula that worked so well with the previous horse. However, to your shock, the new horse is not as responsive and is even downright stubborn! Frustrated, you continue to use the “proven” principles of horse training, but to no avail. Attempting to train from the saddle is like canoeing upstream. Finally, you give up and sell the horse for only a few hundred dollars.
To an extent, all of us attempt to ride a “dead horse,” assuming that one method of practice that once worked governs and applies to all situations. “Johnny was so easy, but Billy! He’s as stubborn as a mule! What did I do wrong?” Mental health professionals can help us objectively break old patterns that don’t work and define new ways of thinking through and navigating changing tides. It is a liberating feeling when old habits are broken and new, effective actions are taken that help achieve better solutions.
As a closing thought, it’s good for us to remember that anxiety and stress are specters that all of us will face. A lack of stress in life is more the exception than the rule. To an extent, stress can be highly beneficial as it can serve as a barometer for how much work we need to put forth to accomplish a goal. However, too much stress skews our ability to see things as they really are, diminishing our ability to make effective solutions.
If the degree of stress you’re enduring is making it difficult to make critical decisions, please know that you’re in good company. In fact, if you’re not experiencing some stress, I’d be worried about you. If you can keep these three principles in mind as you’re making decisions, I’m confident that you will have the mental and physical energy to be successful.
